Comparison, Compassion, and Shame
Hello, dear readers! Today, we're diving into a topic that resonates deeply with many of us: shame resilience, emotional eating, and the competition that often exists between women. I had the pleasure of discussing these important issues with my friend and Australia-based therapist, Vanessa Preston. Vanessa brings a wealth of experience as a Mental Health Social Worker, Psychotherapist, and Nutritionist. Together, we explored how these challenges impact our lives and how we can support each other in overcoming them.
Click here to listen to the full podcast episode with Vanessa.
The Struggle with Shame and Competition
Vanessa and I met during a non-diet professional mentorship in January 2021. It was a transformative experience that highlighted how often women feel the need to compete with one another. This competition is deeply rooted in societal pressures and diet culture, which constantly tells us we're not enough.
The Inner Critic and Comparison Trap
We all have an inner critic, that nagging voice that compares our achievements to others'. Vanessa shared how, during our mentorship, she sometimes felt this competition creeping in, especially when celebrating others' successes. It's a common experience, isn't it? But here's the thing: this comparison game only fuels shame and holds us back from fully realizing our potential.
Building Shame Resilience
One of the key takeaways from our conversation was the importance of building shame resilience. Shame thrives in secrecy, isolation, and judgment. By talking openly about our experiences and supporting each other, we can diminish its power.
Recognizing and Naming the Inner Critic
The first step in building shame resilience is recognizing and naming the inner critic. Vanessa and I discussed how this voice often tries to protect us by keeping us in our comfort zones. However, this protection comes at the cost of our growth and happiness. By acknowledging this voice and questioning its validity, we can start to shift our mindset.
Embracing Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is another vital component. Vanessa and I both found that asking ourselves, What would it look like to soften with myself? opened the door to a more gentle and supportive approach to our struggles. Whether it's through small acts of kindness or simply allowing ourselves to feel joy, self-compassion can transform our relationship with ourselves and others.
The Role of Emotional Eating
Emotional eating is a common coping mechanism that many of us turn to in times of stress or discomfort. Vanessa and I shared our personal journeys with emotional eating and how we've learned to approach it with curiosity rather than judgment.
We often use food to cope with difficult emotions because it's effective. It provides a quick dopamine spike that temporarily soothes our nervous system. However, this can lead to a cycle of shame and guilt, especially if we're not aware of the underlying emotions driving our eating habits.
Shifting the Narrative
By recognizing emotional eating as a response to unmet needs, we can start to shift the narrative. Vanessa and I both found that giving ourselves permission to enjoy food without guilt helped reduce the urge to binge. It's about finding balance and allowing ourselves to experience pleasure without shame.
From Competition to Collaboration
One of the most empowering aspects of our conversation was the realization that we don't have to compete with each other. Instead, we can choose collaboration and support. Vanessa and I have both experienced the positive impact of cheering each other on and celebrating each other's successes.
The Power of Sisterhood
There's immense power in women uniting and supporting one another. By shifting from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance, we can create a sense of sisterhood that enriches our lives and helps us achieve our goals. As Vanessa beautifully put it, Collaboration over competition.
Conclusion: You're Not Alone
If there's one thing I hope you take away from this conversation, it's that you're not alone. Whether you're struggling with shame, emotional eating, or feeling the pressure to compete, know that there are others who understand and are here to support you. Let's continue to share our stories, lift each other up, and embrace the power of sisterhood.
Remember, healing is a journey, and every step you take towards self-compassion and connection is a step towards a more fulfilling and joyful life. Thank you for being here, and please reach out if you need support or want to share your story. We're in this together.
